I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
ttyl tear gas
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
