so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
