Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
