Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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