Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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