Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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