just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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