Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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