Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize