If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
