birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
