Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
