the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
