I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
