i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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