i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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