At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
