she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
