True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
