i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
