I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
