I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
