Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
