A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
