he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
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