I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
