He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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