I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
