see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
