very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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