She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You are a genius and a whore.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
