no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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