Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Ketchup is God's man juice
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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