Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
