This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
