I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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