I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
