is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
