saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
