9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
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an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
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I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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