I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
