apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
