i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
