He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
