By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
