1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
