he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
