See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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