im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
