We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
