I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
