And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
