i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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