when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
