Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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