can we get nightvision for the apartment?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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