so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize