Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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