Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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