Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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