I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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