He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
