i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
