tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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