He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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