Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
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She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
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Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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