There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
