omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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