Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
